Tuesday, May 28, 2013

An article to share

This article just seemed to have been written just for me.  And while i'm having teenager "issues" right now, not major ones, but major enough to be concerned..   I can see how this whole idea translates far further than just mommying.  

here's the link.

Ann Voscamp.... sigh....  she could so be me.  Except smarter.  And more eloquent :)  But hey, who's comparing! i'll take the wisdom and call it good!

Its been a difficult past few months.   And I've been places i never expected to be- never wanted to be.   But here I am.  And I've struggled with so many things....  Who am I? where did I come from?  Where am I supposed to be? Who can I trust?  so many other "Who" "Where" "Why" questions, FAR more questions than answers have filled my mind.  Which stinks.  Let's face it, no matter how adventurous and courageous you are, (courage- my lifelong goal) the preponderance of questions to answers is the PITS.

And people- well, let's just say that i've become quite disillusioned with people.  They are SO much work.  And being one who has a hard time reading people and knowing who's trustworthy and who's not, it quite frankly doesn't seem worth the effort.  I'm going to try to restrict myself to relationships with people i REALLY trust and keep it limited to a selective few.  I just am so sick of getting burned.

I have been struggling spiritually as well.  God is doing weird things in my life that don't make sense.  He's doing things that don't seem like things He would do and he's not showing up when he's "supposed" to.  Its made me feel a little angry, confused, disturbed... but ultimately I know that the only thing that is for sure in this life, the only real SAFE thing is God.  And i'm hanging on to that with everything in me and knowing that SOMEDAY it will all make sense.

a quote from the article:

What mama is willing to be humbled to the point of humiliation yet not blinded to the wisdom found like diamonds in dirty places?

The dirty places...  Sigh...   Why do the diamonds hang out there?  Why can't I just be blissfully ignorant and not so badly NEED TO KNOW.   Why can't i just be a regular person, UNwounded, UNdamaged UNdevastated?  WHY? See how futile the "why"s are?   And yet they just keep on coming...

Another quote from the article-

What if God said, “What mama is strong enough, persevering enough, tough enough to bend without breaking under the weight of the choices this child will make?What mama is willing to be humbled to the point of humiliation yet not blinded to the wisdom found like diamonds in dirty places? What mama will not just pray about this child but will truly pray this child all the way through their stuff?What mama will be courageous enough to let me write her child’s story?”And then God points.I can’t say I ever wanted God to be pointing in my direction.I can’t.But sometimes we get the unexpected.And I guess, I’m just wanting to breathe hope into someone else’s paralyzed place.

Yep.  I'm IN that paralyzed place.  But its not my children, this time anyway.  Its me.  Am I courageous enough to let God write MY story?  Am I?  I mean, I say I am, but AM I REALLY?   I don't know....   I guess my story isn't over yet, and clearly, I don't have all the answers.  And that's ok.   Right?

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