Saturday, May 11, 2013

Stuff/ mothers' day

I thought i'd take a few minutes i have while waiting for the grownup pizzas to cook to update my blog.  Today was a bit on the rough side.  Just feeling kind of melancholy, dealing with house stuff, kid stuff, emotional stuff....   and of course I'm probably PMSing and have mother's day on the mind, which is never a good thing.  Mother's day stresses me out.  I know i'm not the only one too.   However, Andy snapped a series of really cool pics of me and Ash the other day, when he was being particularly snuggly.  and it struck me that this is what motherhood looks like now.   Its not such a crashing disappointment when you get to be the mom, because you can choose to engage or not, to be present or abandon, to participate or check out...

Aren't the effects cool? and i really like the composition of the square photos.  i never used to be a fan of instagram, its like, WHY would you intentionally degrade your pictures,  but its growing on me,  Here's my link of all my instagram pics.  Not a lot so far, but hope to add more...  

Tonight we went to our old church... Andy delivered there earlier last week and mentioned it and mentioned how much he missed the fellowship and the sense of belonging.  I could certainly relate.  We love our current church but we never quite became a part of it and now that Ash is scaling the nursery gate we have to decide whether to have one of us alternate in the nursery or stay home with him, (which would mean missing his AWESOME sunday school class, not great) or attend our old church again, where he can't escape, or ??? because just skipping church every week isn't going to work.  I'm feeling just generally kind of lost lately...  melancholy, glum, lost in my thoughts, Its just one of those weeks where i really wish it was like 6 weeks from now.   Ah well, I am well aware the time is a gift- every day is a gift, and i'm not guaranteed tomorrow let alone 6 weeks from now.   i guess i'm just having difficulty finding joy in life right now.  my hobbies don't feel like fun anymore, i don't feel like doing anything.  Yep, i'm starting therapy again, tuesday.  Think Ken is going to have his work cut out for him this time around.    ah well...  Happier posts will be coming.  I suspect.

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