Chapter 2- Debunking Vulnerability Myths
So, i've been reading in various times and places and haven't been typing up the questions immediately after reading, which would be far preferable! (i'm most of the way through chapter 3 and that's with SERIOUSLY slowing myself down, So... i've been procrastinating, since its kind of hard :)
Live and learn!
1. Thoughts on Myth #1- Vulnerability is weakness.
I love how she said that "vulnerability isn't good or bad... vulnerability is the core of all emotions and feelings." Its easy to see vulnerability as being a really negative thing, particularly if you have been burned by being vulnerable, but in itself vulnerability isn't negative- And personally, i've not had this problem, primarily, i think, because i'm a woman, and very feminine, and tend to really value the vulnerability of others in my lives, it makes me feel close to them and makes me feel like they trust me enough to take risks for me, which I consider to be quite an honor. I tend to repay that by sharing myself. Then again, i'm a MASSIVE emotional risk taker. One might argue quite emotionally impulsive. Looking back through the history that i remember, i can see myself putting myself out there a LOT and reaping both negative and positive consequences from that. The old saying, "you regret what you didn't do not what you did" or whatever, just so totally doesn't apply to ME. :)
I love how Dr Brown said, "Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage" Ahh... doesn't that just sum it up??? it really does as well, i can totally relate to that. This Chapter is just loaded with important truths... this one struck me as well-
page 39, location 291- "Vulnerability is like being naked onstage and hoping for applause rather than laughter."YEAH baby! good stuff! that is EXACTLY it. I can't even describe how much i LOVE this book!!!!
I love the sentiment contained within this chapter also that the "illusion of invulnerability" is not actually protection at all. I think that's because while you aren't putting yourself out there to get hurt, you also aren't putting yourself out there to be blessed. Relating is a HUGE blessing, its what makes us uniquely human. Its what makes life worth living. Living without relationship would be a sorry shell of an existence.
2. Thoughts on Myth #2- I don't DO Vulnerability-
Yeah, this one, i don't relate to at all :-D I'm guessing some of you might though! Share!
3. Thoughts on Myth #3 Vulnerability is letting it all hang out.
Aha! Now we are right back in my territory. Yes, i have had this problem. What i've learned, thanks much to this book, is that, As Dr. Brown phrases it-
Page 45 location 554 "Vulnerability is about sharing our feelings and our experiences with people who have earned the right to hear them."This one is hard for me. Its not always easy to tell who has "earned the right" or who is too big of a risk. Particularly since my past has left me vulnerable to not being able to judge well who is a good risk. Sometimes not obvious people ARE a good risk and sometimes people you expect to be a good risk are actually a NOT good risk, due to their own issues or whatever, and will cause you a world of hurt if you do opt to overshare with them. I'm "Queen Overshare" so you can totally trust me on this one.
Another thing that struck me personally was talking about how in marriage- BIG betrayals are more likely to happen after a long period of disengagement. How easy is it to disengage, either in the distraction of life, the slow but steady distancing from your spouse in a long marriage, the mutual response of their distancing and your distancing... its a perfect storm really. Stuff doesn't usually happen overnight, and i've most certainly found that true in my life. I was watching out for the big stuff, trying to prevent the big stuff, and really, the biggest threat to MY marriage was the steady creeping up of the disengagement that makes the big stuff much more likely.
4. Thoughts on Myth #4- We can go it alone
Yeah, this has never been "me" either... i'm so relational that any kind of "alone" strikes terror in my heart... that's a LOT of talking to myself! I concur with Dr Brown that the journey toward vulnerability is one that requires a LOT of support from people who will not judge you. This is hard for me partially in that I tend to surround myself with people who have a tendency to judge people. Heck, "I" have a tendency to be super judgmental. I'm seeing that, and working on changing that. I love how she talks about how she wants her home to be somewhere where we can be brave, and share our shaming moments, be fearful, and know that we are all in this together. I couldn't agree with that more.