Saturday, May 9, 2015

I really need a fresh start

Everytime I think of this blog, I feel sad and aimless.  I have changed so much in the past couple years since i ceased the bulk of postings.  I don't recognize that girl I used to be as myself and part of me just wants it gone.  I'm contemplating now if i want to just ditch this blog altogether, or start a new one, or even start an anonymous one. 

I really struggle with how much its appropriate to put "out there."  Authenticity and transparency are really important to me, and i've made it a point of sharing not just my successes but my failures as well.  But having had those failures used against me makes me question my own idea of what is an appropriate balance. 

Additionally some issues in my life have lost importance and I feel like a particular situation which has brought most folks to my blog that still visit here is unnecessary and outdated.  My heart's not there anymore.  I can think about the situation and not cry anymore.  I can associate with the people that were once my world and be ok with the fact that they no longer are.   The fact is, the whole situation sucked.  and i'm not going to say it was anything but devastating.  But i've gotten older and wiser and acknowledge that i've grown and matured and gained SO much self awareness that the losses I experienced, are, in comparison, a drop in the bucket. 

I'll leave this post up regardless of what I decide to do.  But in all likelihood i'll be deleting posts, moving on and thinking on if blogging is to be a part of my life again.