Sunday, June 5, 2011

He is faithful!!

What an amazing weekend... Crazy busy, achey, tired, but amazing. So I finally took some time to listen to what God had to say about the latest crisis- the neighbor one- and surprise, surprise- it wasn't about my neighbor at all, it was about us- it was about trust, and relying on God for our provision, and not taking matters into my own hands and generosity, and other stuff, but the focus fell squarely on OUR family, particularily ME.

Isn't it funny how these things work out in such a way?? and this time it only took 3 days for me to stop the whole trying to do things my own way and making it happen on my own thing. That is some really major progress for me. I'm happy. I'm happy with where God is leading me, i'm happy with redemption group, which just finished up today! Next week is the celebration! and i'm happy with my place in life. I really never thought i'd be free from the life that i've had that has been so confining to me. I didn't realize that just as soon as i'd gotten away from the people that had oppressed me, and damaged me, that I just started in all on my own. What madness is that. And trying to control my own life... OY. I always thought that i'd managed basically on my own all my life. But this was not true. Even as a young child I could sense that I was not alone. Now i can see, looking back on my life and all the junk and all the things that SHOULD have been different, He was there. He hurt right along with me, but He didn't leave me for a minute. I felt so alone, but I wasn't. There's NO way i would have survived any number of events were it not for distinct supernatural intervention. He's been pursuing me from the beginning. And He's the one i've spent my life looking for. Jesus is awesome. And if you see me, and I seem different, that's why. I'm getting to know Him better, and perhaps it shows. I hope so! :)

Rebecca <-- who hopes this makes at least a little bit of sense- i'm very very tired :) and i'm getting rambley.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Another hard day....

Wow... sometimes it just never stops pouring down CRAP. I'm trying really hard to get in a good mood... I'm trying to just let it roll off me, but it feels like just one thing after another, before the one awful thing that happens is even done, some other nasty insult rears its ugly head.


I really really really really really reallllllllllly wish the crazy apocalypse guy was right... at least about the date. I want to go HOME. This place, it sucks. People smile and chit chat and proport to be your best buddy and then stab you in the back.

I guess i will just keep crying out to Jesus, again and again and again until i have some peace.