Struggling

Right now i'm struggling. Things are basically ok. God is answering prayer, albeit in strange ways- like our financial issues- Andy will be taking a paycut and a cut in hours. So obviously more money is not REALLY what we are needing :) and clearly, we DO need more dad around here... Ash does so much better when "Daddie-oh" is home. And when Ash does better, we ALL do better, particularily me. I got the results of my sleep study back and I do, indeed have obstructive sleep apnea. At worst, i've stopped breathing for 14 seconds without realizing it. my oxygen level was pretty low too so i'm going to be getting a CPAP machine for sleeping, which i'm hoping i can manage. I'm a really picky sleeper. But if i can not be so tired all the time, I think life might be more managable.

Still i have this lingering melancholy about me... I think its mainly just sadness, since i'm pretty sure I won't be hearing from one of my letter recipients again, and this was an important person in my life. Ann in my CG family pointed out that its a great chance to let God parent me and be my nurturer and He WILL fill the gaps in my life, and i know its true. I think i'm just in a tough spot right now and i need to stay in prayer and in the Word and weather it. And i need to stay away from facebook... every once in a while someone will say something that sets me off and sets me back and who needs it?! Oy. Right now i'm trying to immerse myself in positivity and God's word, and one thing that really helps me is music. Here's the song that has been cheering me up lately..

BLESSINGS
Laura Story

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family
Protection while we sleep

We pray for healing
For prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand
to ease our suffering

And all the while
You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

Cuz what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know you’re near
What if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise?

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness
We doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

And all the while You hear each desperate plea
Lord, that we’d have faith to believe

Cuz what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know you’re near
What if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise?

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not
This is not our home

Cuz what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know you’re near
What if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise?

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
is the revealing of a greater thirst
This world can’t satisfy?
And what if trials of this life
The rain
The storms
The hardest nights
are your mercies in disguise

I think this is the key, right here in purple- Maybe all that i'm experiencing is espeically rough because I KNOW that there's more than the brokenness of this world. I think if i didn't, i'd see the beauty in what WAS beautiful, as there's plenty of that.... but I think a part of me longs for that which i know is bigger than this world. And yearns for that wonderful peace.

Ah well... needed for baby duty :) hope you all are blessed this week and always.

Rebecca