now

I haven't posted much, not because life has been uneventful- it hasn't. But I took a huge leap and followed the Holy Spirit in writing letters, a couple weeks ago, and that was so hard, and so personal- WAY too personal to post here, so you'll have to take my word for it :) but in a nutshell, i layed out the issues I have and what i've dealt with as a result of what has been done to me by 2 people in my life who have impacted me in serious ways. I didn't mince words- i spoke from the heart, but the Holy Spirit also spoke through me and in the process of writing these letters granted me what i've most needed- FORGIVENESS. NOT having forgiveness has been a huge burden. I'd struggle with it- try to FORCE myself into it, but what I didn't realize before redemption group is that I was trying to do it all MYSELF and what I needed was for God to do it. Then, i'd not only have peace but know that I didn't earn my own peace, or pave my own path. That's important, because i KNOW that HE was right there with me my whole life, suffering right along with me. I can't claim victory myself as if i'd done something to earn it. Anyway, i'm on a long difficult road right now, i'm feeling sad, lonely, a little depressed... But its all good, ultimately i know that its going to be ok.